I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
