Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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