atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
