Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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