My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
