i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
