i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
