Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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