you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
