Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
