there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
