It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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