There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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