Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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