im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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