It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
