Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
