in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
