dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
