i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
