I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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