I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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