so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
