the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
