i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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