I wish I could punch you in the face.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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