carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
