Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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