The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
