Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
