We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
