All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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