You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
