Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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