the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
