he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
