Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
