The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
