one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
