just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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