Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
