Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
