It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
