Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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