U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
