if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
