Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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