hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
