She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
