it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
