I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
