she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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