i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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