clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
